Harvest pt.2

Part 2: Healing 

In part 1, I told you of my journey from Bible college into ministry, from ministry into bitterness, and from bitterness into growth on the World Race. 

I told you how Squad Leading for Gap Year was incredibly reassuring. Finding I could in fact, step back into ministry and not repeat the failures at Harvest (the church I worked at after I graduated Bible college). 

I had come to accept that past anger and hurt feelings might surface from time to time when it comes to memories of my first year in ministry, but I must choose to forgive. Choosing forgiveness is who we are as believers right? What a beautiful expression of freedom and healing. 

Little did I know God had more for me… as He typically does for us all. 

So there I was, January 2021, hanging out at World Race Launch with my brand new squad – H Squad. I was confident in the skills I had acquired as a Gap Year Squad Leader. They would allow me to lead and minister well to this new group of men and women. But it was the day before flying to Costa Rica, and something was off.

The entire day I was flooded with the same tight pressure in my chest that found me right before I squad led Gap Year. I remember thinking, “This must just be my new normal.” Anxiety must be what happens as I begin a new leadership role. I mean, ministry can be stressful so… it makes sense.

It looked as though I hadn’t conquered that root fear of failing in ministry again after all. 

A few hours later, during dinner, Megan (the squad mentor for the squad I partnered with in Wisconsin November – December 2020) came up to me and said she had something to give me. She proceeded to hand me a letter, and then gave me her key. 

 

*break for context!* 

 Something you should know about World Race culture is racers buy Keys for the Journey  before they head out on their race. They are key necklaces stamped with a prophetic word. Racers are encouraged to learn from that word and then pass the key along to someone God highlights on their race. It’s a really cool concept, and always special when someone passes on their key. 

https://www.keysforthejourney.com/ (this is not a sponsored blog)

 *ok, back to the story*

 

So Megan gives me her key right? The key she’s had for 3 years! That’s a long time and a big deal. Want to guess what the key said? 

HARVEST

I took the key in my hand and remember being a little disappointed. My initial thought was there are cooler words out there than “harvest.” Why did she feel this word is for me? But as she began to explain, it clicked…

Harvest is the name of the church that caused me to resent ministry all those years ago… Harvest is where I developed the root. 

Megan explained how there had been several nights God woke her up from her sleep to pray for me. It was during one of those late nights God asked her to give me the key.

I decided to tell Megan about the significance of Harvest. Full on tears fell from my eyes as I recounted my hurt, anger, and bitterness. I told her how I still had wounds from that time in my life and had accepted complete healing might never come… or so I thought. 

I literally couldn’t stop crying. It was as if God used that key, one word, to set off an eruption of emotion that had been lying dormant for years. Megan began praying over me and honestly, I have no idea what she said. All I know is while everyone else was in the dinner line, I was over in the corner sobbing like a child. 

It didn’t matter what I looked like. It didn’t matter we had a schedule to keep. God was working in me and I didn’t want Him to stop. I stepped outside for some air and to try to figure out what was happening inside of my soul.

Moments after I stepped outside I began sobbing. Like, full on heaving until I threw up 3 times. 3 Times!? I absolutely hate throwing up and will do everything to keep myself from experiencing it… but not that night lol! 

I proceeded to cry off and on for the next 3 1/2 hours. Getting hit by wave after wave of memories from my time at Harvest God had redeemed and was now giving me release. God reached into my heart and pulled out the root of bitterness that night. Straight plucked it out like the Gardener He is and Megan’s key was the catalyst for healing.

I share this story because we all have wounds. We all have hurts that paralyze us and cause us to live in fear. I thought I had conquered the wound in my life, but the truth is… sometimes God has to be the one to do it. Yes, in Jesus, we can walk in victory every single day of our lives. However, I fully believe God always has more for us in our journey with Him!

This might be hard to believe especially when you’re still in the process of healing. But be strong, have faith, and keep your eyes on the Healer.

There’s no hurt too deep, no bitterness too sharp, no anger too strong, and no situation too hopeless for our Redeemer. 

 

the end