The Shift (pt.2)

If you haven’t read part 1 click here before proceeding. 

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The 5 stages of grief. I think mine were in a slightly different order but yeah, it’s accurate. 

I’m not the only guy or girl out there who has lost a job, nor will I be the last, but that realization still doesn’t take away the sting. Nor does it remove the nagging lie saying, “You’re not worthy. You’ll never be good enough.” 

Battling those lies face to face was perhaps, the most difficult hill to conquer through the emotional hike these past 2 months. 

 It reminds me of a memory I have of being a little kid on the monkey bars and getting stuck. I couldn’t get to the other side, and I was scared to let go. The remaining strength I had was being used up to hold on for dear life. Panic set in as panic does to little children on the monkey bars. I remember looking around trying to find my dad hoping he’ll come to my rescue, wrap his arms around me, and fix my situation. 

These were my feelings toward God as a 28-year-old man. Yet as I swiveled my head this way and that, I couldn’t find Him. 

I wonder if this was how the disciples felt when the storm was raging on the Sea of Galilee while Jesus was just napping below deck? They at least had a better reason for panic than I did as a little kid suspended 2 feet above the ground. 

My mind has often traveled to the disciples’ plight that day and my prayer has been challenging God to just step up on the deck of my life and calm the storm. But one day a mentor of mine, Keith, reminded me Jesus did not teleport the disciples to the other side of the sea. He simply brought peace amidst their storm. Keith said, “Connor, Jesus may not ‘fix’ your circumstances, but He can bring peace.” Dang. 

This was the shift – the better shift. It happened the moment I stopped accusing the Lord for never bringing about any substantial solution, and just accepted His perfect peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7). 

My expectations for God felt healthier and less like resentments. My attitude shifted from self-pity to gratitude, and my view of myself suddenly realigned with God’s view of me… 

Connor, you ARE Worthy. 

You ARE Enough.

I call you Good! 

But you want to know the funny part? 

I began talking with Adventures In Missions about potentially joining their marketing department*.

*For context, AIM had to let me go in the mentor department because it was overstaffed. Whereas the marketing department needed someone to edit videos and create content responsible for inviting more racers to go on trips with AIM.*

I was unsure mostly because I would still be required to fundraise most of my salary and I wasn’t exactly excited about that aspect. Thanks to another previous mentor of mine (now friend), Ashley, I submitted a proposal I FOR SURE did not think would be approved. 

About a week and a half later I was talking to my roommate about rebuilding trust with God and literally said, “God would gain so much trust back from me if He just gave me a job.” 

An hour or two later I received an email informing me the proposal I had submitted was FOR SURE accepted! 

* Mic drop. – God *

Surprisingly, my faith didn’t instantly go from mustard seed faith to Mt. Everest faith like I promised God it would. To be honest, I was a bit embarrassed for hinging my faith in God to Him doing a physical miracle. Now, don’t get me wrong, I WAS FLOORED! Still kind of am. Like, I’m smiling so wide as I type this right now. 

My faith is a weak faith if it is based upon what I can see. God has to be more than a genie in a bottle who exists to grant our prayer wishes. That cannot be our… my… foundational understanding of who God is. 

I must understand God IS with me. He IS for me. I AM His child. He IS trustworthy, and He CAN bring peace to my circumstances whether it be monkey bars or a raging storm. 

If this understanding is foundational, it makes the answered prayers sweeter. Sweeter because we’re not depending on them for the cake or the substance of our faith. Instead, they get to be the icing on top. 

So what’s the icing? 

As of this week I will begin a new position at Adventures In Missions as the Creative Content Producer (CCP for short and yes, I fully expect the initialism to catch on)!

 

Final Notes: 

1. I am still support raising much of my salary. If you would like to partner with me that would be incredible! Please click the “donate” box at the top right of this page to join. 

2. I am very excited to be focusing in on content creation once again. It took a little while and I plan to explain the process in part 3 of this blog, stay tuned for the next installment! 

3. Be sure to follow the World Race’s social media platforms to keep an eye on new things I will be creating with the amazing marketing team at AIM. 

4. Until next time, God bless and thanks so much for reading! 

 

– Connor