I’m NOT A Superhero

Tears.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not a crier. I don’t cry often, and on the few occasions I do it’s usually alone.

This past year on the World Race I think I cried 3 times. Like, good cries (I don’t count tearing up as crying). It’s funny, for some people, 3 big cries probably sound like so few while for others it can sound like so many. I’m on the side of it feeling like a lot of crying lol. 

It has been just over two weeks since I said goodbye to my World Race friends (N Squad). We had our final debrief in Portugal, said our goodbyes, spoke words of encouragement to each other, gave a lot of hugs, celebrated, ubered to the airport, and parted ways. This was a huge goodbye… but I didn’t cry… not once. Despite spending the past year together, growing so close to many of my squadmates,  and despite going through crazy awesome and crazy hard experiences with them I didn’t shed a single tear. 

Funnily enough, I knew all the emotions would hit me at some point. The emotions of finishing the Camino de Santiago, the emotions of finishing the biggest adventure of my life (the World Race), the emotions of saying goodbye to N Squad, and the eventual emotions of seeing my family and friends back in America. The emotions didn’t show up at final debrief, nor did they show up when I was spending time with my people back in the states, but they for sure came knocking right before I left on this second World Race missions trip. 

A few nights ago, I was sitting alone in my hotel room and I could tell that I wasn’t ok. Have you ever had one of those moments? A moment where it feels like your entire soul might explode or implode at any second but you’re trying to keep it together and convince yourself that you’re ok? Yep, that was me. I tried telling myself that I just needed sleep and if I could just shut my eyes then everything would be ok. 

The problem is that I only had a few hours before I had to ride to the airport with my new  Gap Year squad (pictured below). That’s right, my time in America had flown by and it was now time to board another plane and live out this crazy missional life all over again. Yikes! Time and moments had flown by faster than I had anticipated. Sure, 12 days at home is quick, but in my mind, I assumed it would feel longer. I assumed I would get more rest than I did. I assumed that 12 days would turn into 2 months… unfortunately, they didn’t. I was so convinced back in Portugal I was strong enough to carry the emotions, the transition, the goodbyes, and the responsibilities of being a squad leader of 40 different men and women. I’m not. 

Thankfully, Jesus is. 

So yeah, there I was hours before beginning World Race Gap Year as a squad leader, sobbing in my room acknowledging the fact that I’m not strong enough. That I’m not actually a superhero. I like to think I am sometimes, but I’m not even close. The truly amazing part, however, is when I am honest with God about not being strong enough, He – the true superhero – always swoops in, lifts me up, gives me strength, infuses me with a new song, and gives me EXACTLY what I need to move forward. His yoke is truly easy, and His burden is truly light (Matthew 11:30). We just have to trade with Him. If we don’t give Him the weight we are carrying, then He can’t give us His burden which isn’t actually a burden at all… it’s rest. Wow! Thanks God! 

Do you know that scene in the first Incredibles – the Pixar movie? The scene where Mr. Incredible is going back into the fray with the giant robot? Anyway, Mr. Incredible gets out of the van and tells his wife and kids to stay put which Mrs. Incredible is not having at all! She confronts him, they argue, until Mr. Incredible finally bursts out, “I’m not strong enough! I can’t lose you again, I’m not strong enough!” 

It’s a huge moment for Mr. Incredible, and it’s stuck with me because if there’s anyone who should be strong enough, it’s him. I mean, come on, he’s got super strength and he’s proven to be more than capable of taking anything on throughout the movie, but when it comes down to it, not even Mr. Incredible the superhero is strong enough. 

But I’ll repeat what I said earlier just for good measure… 

Jesus is strong enough.