Part 1: The Root 

This testimony has been a long time coming. It is a story about past hurt, bitterness, and redemption. 

 It begins in 2015 when I graduated Bible college and transitioned to my first year of 'official' ministry. A certain church hired me as an intern for 1 year. It was the church my family attended, it was the church I had worked at over the summers, and it was the church I came to know as my own. Its name - Harvest. 

 At 21 years old, I was thrilled to be in ministry with a place that checked so many boxes. The people of Harvest were great (they still are by the way!), it’s location was perfect for me, the pay was good, and the pastor was my hero… like, he was the guy I wanted to emulate. It really seemed like the ultimate set up. What could go wrong? 

#famouslastwords 

Unfortunately a lot did go wrong. I like to compare my life to a Jenga tower - the game where all the blocks come crashing down if you pull the wrong one. Well, God began pulling out certain blocks in my life until eventually things came crashing down. Turns out my foundation wasn't built on God rather, it was built on me. I was depending on myself, my abilities, my image, and it cost me.

My time at Harvest came to a close leaving me confused, depressed, and extremely bitter. 

...3 Years Later (*insert SpongeBob narrator voice) 

Have you ever felt disqualified because of a past hurt? Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Like you’re just faking it and eventually someone is going to rip off the mask exposing you for the failure you feel like you are? Yeah, that was me September 2019 as I flew to Atlanta. 

I had just finished 11 months on the World Race and was setting out to lead World Race Gap Year. I mean come on, 11 months a missionary! I should feel extremely qualified right? Maybe on paper, but inwardly I was still wrestling with the wound - the root.

Doubt, fear, and anxiety surfaced on the plane that day. Who was to say this time of ministry would be any different? What if it just isn’t for me?

Well, thankfully this time was different.

See, my foundation had changed. During my 11 months on the World Race, God cleared away all the remaining rubble of Jenga blocks, broke up the foundation of me, and began laying a NEW foundation - Himself. Talk about a game-changer!

Jesus overcame all my insecurities and gifted me with an incredible 7 months with Gap Year. Sure, it came with a lot of tears and its own kind of pain, but it was the beginning of redemption in this are of leadership and ministry.

It looked as though I was finally past the fear, anxiety, and doubt. It felt like I could finally move past my past. I was finally free of the root...

Or so I thought. 

to be continued...