Feelings never cease to amaze me.
One day I can be feeling great – a firing-on-all-cylinders kind of day. Then without warning, I can wake up the next day on the wrong side of the bed with a pretty dismal attitude/outlook. That’s crazy!
A quote I’ve been mentally chewing on these past few weeks is, “You have to tell God’s story to your heart, not the world’s story.” I like changing the quote though so that it hits home. “You have to tell God’s story to your heart, not depression’s story… not frustration’s story… not comparison’s story…not lust’s story…not pride’s story.” Essentially, not your feeling’s story.
The fact that our feelings are valuable, but not always true is something I’ve been aware of for some time. However, I believe the practice of replacing God’s story for my feeling’s story will be a lifelong journey. I’m ok with that. The idea that God meets me in my feelings, listens to them, wraps me in His grace, and then stretches out His hand asking me to hand them over so He can restore His truth is really, really beautiful. Wow. I mean come on, that’s Awesome!
Throughout April I was content to rest. Living without an intense schedule, enjoying the quiet atmosphere of my parent’s house, and allowing my soul to be still after a year and a half of stimulation was needed. Now that I’ve recharged and we’ve entered May, however, I’m ready to get back out there. Unfortunately, I can’t, which has led to feeling out of place.
But I shouldn’t be feeling this way right?
I mean, I thought Pittsburgh was my home, why am I discontent? I’ve been friends with that person for years, why does it feel weird now? A month ago I was missing the US, why am I now missing Ethiopia, Thailand, etc.? I grew up here, so why does it feel more foreign than the foreign field? What’s the matter with me?
I’ll have days where these kinds of questions cripple me. Thankfully, God bends to meet me. And you know what? He reminds me of who I am. He reminds me who He is. He takes my questions and replaces them with contentment found in His truth. He whispers, “It’s ok you feel out of place. I am your home.”
The truth is, God’s ultimate plan for me isn’t to live in my parent’s house. It’s not to sit in quarantine for the rest of my life. It’s not to lay roots in Pittsburgh. It’s not to be something I’m not, nor is it to live a cushioned life. In fact, it’s not to hold tightly to anything in this world… including missions!
I love missions. I come alive when I’m on the field. No doubt in my mind it’s where I’m supposed to be, but it isn’t the solution. It can’t fill the void. It might be able to do more for me than socially distancing in Western Pennsylvania can – that’s valid – but ultimately, ONLY God can fill me. Only God can take me from feeling out of place to feeling…
at home.
.
.
.
We will always feel out of place when we search anywhere other than our true Home.
You’re welcome. And yes! Amen!
Haha so true. Probing the heart isn’t always my favorite thing to do but wow, it brings so much more of the Father into my life. When I uproot lies and let the truth in to the deep parts of my being it is freedom like no other!
Wow, that’s powerful. So good!
Thanks for reading 🙂 !!
Amen! Love you too Beth. Miss ya!
Thanks for reading and glad you found encouragement through the read. Being stateside right now isn’t easy but wow, God sees you exactly where you are and is so proud of you!
Aw, thanks for reading Wes! Miss and love you my dear friend. Glad the same words that have encouraged me were able to find their way to you!
Always 🙂 Thanks Leanna!
Gosh, it’s so easy to search for the rest and peace home brings outside of the Lord you know? Living with the constant nagging feeling inside of not belonging is sooo frustrating and confusing. But the moment we realize GOD IS OUR HOME all that fades away! So good! Glad it was an encouragement 🙂
Thanks Kyndal! Love and miss you !
Haha aw, thanks man. I was definitely in my element. Love and miss you brother. Keep on chucking frisbees and playing that banjo!
Thank you for this, Connor. So much truth and wisdom and encouragement in this post. I appreciate so much your authenticity. Praying this quarantine stuff ends soon, but remembering that God is here too and meets us where we are. Only in Him is found true fulfillment.
the final sentence brings us many reflections and also how important it is to probe our heart and see where it really is. I feel it!
definitely feel that—four years of travel and moving constantly for me, now almost eight weeks of rest. Yet He has given me such a contentment and peace even when I feel out of place because He has been my home while outside circumstances would tell me I don’t have one.
This went straight to the heart. So so good
I love that HE IS YOUR HOME! Rest there. Love you.
Thank you for this blog!!! I have just come off the race and I have been letting my feelings rule me. It’s important to find God as our home I love tht!!
“You have to tell God’s story to your heart, not depression’s story… not frustration’s story… not comparison’s story…not lust’s story…not pride’s story.”
So good bro! I needed that!
these words spoke right to my heart!!! THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS TRUTH!!
Wow this is really good , definitely have struggled with feeling out of place in my life many times.. I work at a machine shop with all guys- sometimes feel like I’m never gonna measure up there, never gonna truly belong there. Its alot of pressure sometimes. Same with church, I recently moved to a smaller church closer to home. Cuz I never “felt” at home at my previous church. I love many people there ect but never “felt” like that’s where I belong . I’m guilty of listening to my feelings too much. Instead of listening to God. I tell myself God has a reason for me being where I am now ect but sometimes it’s harder to believe that. “Only God can take me from feeling out of place to feeling at home.” Not what we love to do , not where we think we should be but only God. That hits deep for me. Thank you for sharing this..
THIS. So good. Love the way you put words to things. Thanks for sharing!!
so good Connor. Personally, I think you looked most at home in BKK…
Good blog….. Exodus 20
Conner, I love reading your updates and being able to get little glimpses of what the Lord is doing in your life. Many times we see only the positive sides and the “good” things portrayed on blogs/social media, but I love seeing the “real” side of things as well – thank you for sharing your heart – it helps us all to bear one another’s burdens and to know we are all in this together, and ultimately, will get through it together. I am sure you have heard this song already, but as I was reading your post, it came to my mind – Matt Maher – Alive & Breathing – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYUJjsgd96k – I am always blessed and lifted up by it.
Thank you ! I am totally feeling this and this just helped make it all more clear. I am supposed to be in the Amazon Jungle right now on a missions trip and now I am not. I must constantly remind myself that It’s all in God’s hands. He has me right where he wants me in this moment, With Him,seeking and trusting Him more and resting in that !!!