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Why I Left The World Race For A Week

This is a story about forgiveness, vulnerability, redemption, and family. 

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There have been many lessons I’ve learned over my 8 months on the World Race. Lessons about myself, other people, the vast world in which we live, the Father, His kingdom, etc. That’s the thing about learning, you never stop – even after you graduate from high school or college.

Speaking of graduations, my sister was due to graduate from college this year in May (just over a week ago at the writing of this blog), but due to this year of missional living, I wasn’t going to be able to attend. My sister and I have a great relationship and we continue to grow closer as time progresses. This is something I am extremely thankful for because I don’t deserve to have a good relationship with either of my siblings. 

Growing up I abused my age, strength, and intelligence when it came to my sister and brother. I manipulated them and bullied them for my own entertainment and then pushed them aside so I could hang out with my friends. The story is longer, but the mistreatment of my sister and brother is one of the regrets I do have in my life. Luckily, God blessed me with two AMAZING people as my siblings. Each of them has chosen to give me another chance at being the big brother I should have been growing up. Forgiveness.

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Being away for so long has caused me to realize just how much I love and appreciate my family – I even got a tattoo to express my deep care and affection for them. With technology, it’s actually really easy to stay connected to my family as I travel, but that only works if both parties are committed. Which is why I was scratching my head when my sister wasn’t responding to my messages or calls a few weeks ago. Typically, she’s really good about keeping up with me,  but while I was in Nepal, it was silence. “Dang.” I thought. “Did I say, do, or forget to do something?” I wasn’t sure what it could be that would elicit this abnormality. So I waited. I gave her space until she was ready, and just over a week ago… she responded. 

She sent me a message via Marco Polo and it absolutely broke my heart. She chose to let down her guard and share her raw feelings with me. She expressed her disappointment at my looming absence from her upcoming graduation and said she is learning to acknowledge her feelings as well as express them to others. I was so proud of her. It’s not an easy thing to open up and let our loved ones know how we really feel. It always feels simpler to bury our emotions and deny ourselves instead of rocking the boat and risk hurting a valuable relationship. Unfortunately, such a course of action isn’t healthy for us. In fact, it can be extremely corrosive to us on the inside. I’m so thankful my sister did the hard thing and let me into her genuine emotions. It made my heart ache for her, but I was honored that she would trust me in that way. Vulnerability

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As you may have guessed, listening to this message from my sister triggered the big brother gene in me so I began searching for cheap flights to Virginia. After a few minutes, I found a flight and told my dad about my impulsive idea. He loved it. However, he wanted to keep my showing up a surprise for my sister, my mom, and brother. Dad is theatrical like that but then, so am I. The plan was in motion, but I needed permission from my squad leaders and squad mentor. I don’t know about you, but submitting to authority is something I’ve struggled with in my post-college life. On the World Race, a chain of command exists and following the chain of command hasn’t been the easiest thing for me. Not because our leaders are bad leaders, but because I have hurts from leadership in my past which unfortunately affect the way I treat and view leadership in the present. This is an issue God recently revealed to me, and I have been working with Holy Spirit to grow in this area.

This request to fly to the U.S. was a chance to honor my leadership and submit to their decision, though a big part of me didn’t want to. Thankfully, when we are weak, God is strong. I went to leadership (the right way) and presented my idea to them acknowledging that I would respect their decision regardless of the outcome. After listening to my proposition, my squad mentor suggested that we pray for an hour and see what God had to say on the matter. The fact that she didn’t shoot my idea down right away, but rather suggested that we take time to pray together meant SOOO much to me! To me, this is what good leadership looks like. It hasn’t been easy, but through this journey, God is reshaping and transforming what spiritual leadership is to me. Wow! Thank you God. Redemption. 

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I walked outside and began praying. It wasn’t long before God said, “Go pack.” I was surprised to hear God say this and was like, “Really God? Are you messing with me or are you being serious?” He then placed that verse in Matthew 7 on my mind. The one that says our Father will not give us a stone when we ask for bread (paraphrase). God said, “Connor, I am a good Father who delights in blessing you, now go pack.” So I went and packed. About forty-five minutes later I received a call from my squad mentor and learned that they had approved my trip and were excited for me to attend the graduation of my sister! YESSSS! What an awesome God eh? 

Now, fast forward the 4-hour flight to Moscow, the 10-hour flight to D.C., the 1-hour shuttle to Union Station, the 4-hour train ride to Lynchburg, and the 15-minute car ride from the train station to my sister’s apartment. 36 (ish) hours after watching my sister’s video, I stood at the top of her steps ready to surprise the crap out of my family. My heart was pounding and my head was reeling. I couldn’t believe I was standing in the United States and about to be reunited with my dearest loved ones after 8 months of being away from them. I have spent much time daydreaming about hugging my family while away on the race, but no imagination can compete with walking down the steps, freaking out your people, and tearfully hugging each one of them as tightly as possible. That moment was perfect. Totally worth the money. Totally worth the hours of travel. They’re always worth it. They’re my Family. 

21 Comments

  1. Oh no, now I’m getting a bit emotional reading your comment haha. Thank you so much for your love and support.

  2. Connor,
    Am so excited reading your blog about getting to attend your sister’s graduation that it made me teary eyed.(not an easy thing to do) . Should explain the excitement- as the youngerst of 7 my siblings and I get along quite well and sometimes I forget that this is not always the case in families. Have always told me kids to get along and love one another as family is important and will mean more as you get older. Am happy that you got to suprise your family and spend a week in the states.

  3. Aw, this is so kind of you to say. I can speak from experience now that I am older than family is so, so important. Unfortunately, when I was younger I took that for granted. I am glad for the redemptive power of Jesus in my story with my siblings.

  4. Oh yes, many lessons indeed. I will probably be writing a blog soon about some of those lessons lol. Thank you so much Beth. Love you too!

  5. This means so much from you Yaffe! Your generosity and desire to build the Kingdom is inspiring to me. God bless my friend.

  6. Oh how happy this makes me?? I am crying reading this! I rejoice with you Connor!! I’m so thankful you had this time with your family! Love and prayers, Momma Starbuck

  7. Such an amazing story Connor….so many lessons to be learned too. I’m so happy that you had this opportunity. Love you!

  8. Loved reading this! What a blessing to be able to be part of your sister’s graduation. Your humility and willingness to follow God’s leading along with your care for others is inspiring.

  9. I am so happy for you and your family Connor. We are not promised tomorrow as you know. Thank God for forgiveness. I guess sometimes we have to be away from our loved ones to realize how much they mean to us. God bless you for your honesty.

  10. Dude. so good. I love your honesty in this blog and what a great story! It was worth every penny and scary conversation, no doubt about it.

  11. Your parents told us the story of you coming in to surprise the family, but it means so much more hearing about how much it meant to you and Avery. You all are a very special family to us!!

  12. This was so sweet! I know many tears of joy were shed!!! sure made me shed some…you have only a few more months. I am sure you have learned a lot, grown a lot and appreciate so much more than you did before you left.. Looking forward to seeing you sometime soon to hear all about your adventures!! God Bless you!!! With Love ! Trudy

  13. omg you’re wearing jeans and a blue shirt! LOL! so weird to see you in new clothes!

  14. This is such an awesome blessing. I’m so glad that the Lord opened the door for you to make the trip! So happy that your sweet family could be together for Avery’s big day!!??

  15. in tears. thank you for loving your little sister so well !
    i know what it feels like to have a big brother you can’t depend on.
    so on behalf of all little sisters, thank you connor.
    thank you for your commitment to love, for your willingness to learn, for your vulnerability, and for being YOU.

  16. Ha, I was just in the DC airport last week to visit friends in VA! Too funny. 🙂

    That’s so awesome you got to be there for your sister!! Praise God for his provision. ????

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